my friend is getting married. she is one of the first, the subject is unfamiliar and extremely important. do you really love this guy? - i ask. her answer is unexpected – i don’t think i am capable of this intense “loose myself in someone” love, you are talking about. i know i really like him, we get along great, i care for him, i respect him, it feels good to be together, and i think we’d have a good marriage. wow, i am speechless. here i am with no boyfriends, no dating prospects, and i can’t think the way she does. i can’t even enter a relationship that does not start with that mad love in the 1st place. she is so pretty and popular, and she is willing to give up the possibility of finding the love i am dreaming about. and she feels perfectly good about that. she already has her inner peace, she is not looking for anyone to complete anything for her. she is going to enjoy her life with the guy she loves being with, and i know it will work out perfect for her.
looks like yesterday’s post title was taken very literally. yes, i am not taken lightly. i like that. goes well with being subjected watching this planet terror movie that i surprisingly liked. you would too if you like kill bill.
The problem is that wanting the most intense kind of love, and wanting someone to complete you, are not necessarily the same thing. Someone may be content with being alone, because they have inner peace and love themselves and all that. But that doesn't mean they have to give up the dream of experiencing something as amazing and wonderful and rare as the most passionate, soul mate, true love. That sounds like 'settling' more than it does 'inner peace.' I am not talking about your friend, just in general, but the idea that that you are in some way undeserving of that kind of love, or feeling that YOU will not get to experience it, is actually the opposite of inner peace. At best, it is fear or lack of confidence in yourself. At worst it is self sacrifice.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, there are many reasons to get married. And there are different kinds of love. And many believe that the kind of love you write about is relegated to movies and books. And many others believe that a relationship built on respect, friendship, and understanding is BETTER than irrational, passionate, love. And no one says that this kind of love can't grow out of the former kind (many cases of this happening in arranged marriages, for example).
Also, for many people, marriage or finding love is not 'the thing that will complete you.' Rather, it is other things...children, for example. Stability. Money. Whatever. And so, marrying to achieve THOSE things, even if it is with someone not right out of Audrey Hepburn movie, can make you happier than anything else in the world.
And like you say, it could "work out perfect."
Switching topics, I haven't seen Grindhouse yet, but it's on my Netflix queue. In case you don't know, Planet Terror is only half the movie (its basically 2 movies in one like a real grindhouse double feature). There is another half directed by Rodriguez called Death Proof. But most people who've seen it like Planet Terror better.
I'm sure I'll like it -- love Kill Bill and the parts of it that I saw look cool -- but I need to get to it. My queue is soooo long!
ok, debates;)
ReplyDeletewhat when the passionate love idea seem scary? when you are very confident and really love yourself and want to avoid something that scares you? is it settling or self sacrifice? what if your current feelings towards this "guy" are what other people would consider love, but you're not quite sure it is? female/inner peace/alone - really? also as love can grow out of arranged marriages, the friendship and respect can grow out of mad love - that's just a reply to your comment, not to the subject of my post.
and "true love" – thank you - honey for the bears, bananas for the monkeys - i feel the gastric disorder starting already..
of course i watched death proof - have you met my husband? and yes, i like planet terror better
this discussion can go on forever. Truth is, love is complicated. Here is my favorite webcomic ever:
ReplyDeletehttp://xkcd.com/55
=)
ok, this is scary, I totally love xkcd!!! grr. . .
ReplyDeleteas for the debate, it can go on forever . . . perhaps over bruch?