babushka

i’ve roommated quite a few people. i lived with my family, i lived with my friends, i lived with random roommates. there is no roommate like grandma. she is your family, but you can’t have conflicts with her like you do with your parents. she feeds you, she takes care of you, she makes you happy. she is your friend, but you can’t have arguments with her like you do with your friends. you talk with her, you laugh with her, you gossip with her. you are lucky if your grandma has a sense of humor. you are even luckier if she understands yours. here is the top 10 list of fun memories living with my grandma:

10. grandma occasionally receives cans of food from some jewish organization. we have a whole cabinet full of them, many are expired. our superintendent is rude and obnoxious. sometimes he comes up to fix things for us. grandma thanks him with cans of food. grandma says he is very happy and grateful to receive them.

9. grandma constantly states that she can’t bake because of the splitting headaches she gets from turning the oven on. i keep finding grandma running around with a rag tied around her head, in her tank top and shorts, with enlarged eyes and with all windows open, baking some sorts of pastries every time before any family birthday celebration.

8. grandma keeps watching late movies on cinemax channel. grandma says she did not know anything about sex before moving to america.

7. i go to work, and ask grandma to go to a supermarket and buy me some yogurts that i like. grandma cleans the container of a yogurt i finished in the morning and takes it to the store as her guideline. she takes it out of her bag and compares to other yogurts on the shelf. she does not find a match. she leaves. a security guard runs after her to the street. grandma does not understand what he says. he opens her bag. he locates the yogurt sample. he takes it out. he looks at the clean empty yogurt container, he looks at grandma, he turns around, he goes back to the store. grandma goes to another supermarket to look for yogurts for me.

6. someone gives grandma another nightgown as a birthday gift. grandma puts it in the under-bed storage and takes another nightgown out. she says it’s time to start wearing it. she says it was a gift from my mother about 20 years ago.

5. i take grandma to the newly opened supermarket. there are lots of parking spaces. i want to practice perpendicular parking. grandma asks if we can maybe just park in one of many empty spaces without other cars in sight. i keep trying to park the car between two cars. grandma patiently sits in the car and waits. i can’t fit in the spot. i can’t navigate around without hitting a parked car. i hit a car. people gather to watch. i keep hitting the car trying to get out of the spot. people start guiding me. grandma patiently sits in the car and waits. i move out of the spot and park in one of many empty spaces without other cars in sight. police arrives. they make a report. grandma patiently waits by the car. police leaves, we go shopping.

4. grandma carries home two 8-10lbs chunks of ham when she finds them on sale because she knows i like it.

3. grandma and i are moving into an apartment. grandma collected a bunch of tableware at local fleamarkets prior to my arrival to the country. i ask grandma to throw it all away so we can buy new stuff. grandma wants to keep hers. i go to the apartment and stay up all night cleaning. i wash all grandma’s tableware. i put it on the table. at 4 am the table leans and all the dishes fall on the floor and break. grandma says broken tableware is for good luck.

2. i invite my future husband to eat passover dinner grandma made. she puts a holodets (a jello-like stew of rooster’s combs and pig’s hooves) on his plate. he respectfully swallows it despite his fear and politely tells grandma it’s delicious. grandma immediately puts another piece on his plate.

1. grandma studies for her citizenship exam. grandma is very nervous. every day we practice questions from her questioner. every day i give her sentences to write. the big day comes. she walks in the room. she says "i love you, i love america" to her examiner. grandma gets her citizenship.