obsessive?

you accept your obsessive personality. you allow this to yourself because you know you’ve got no escape from it. it creeps you out, it repulses you, it messes with your head, it sickens your stomach, it palpitates your heart, it warms you, it excites you, it inspires you. you know all that, there is no surprise when it hits you. the surprise comes when it does not. how do you handle the obsessionless eternities? how do you cope with them? how do you explain them?