Wednesday, November 19, 2008
ordinary?
i am so ordinary, i can’t stand it. i am trying so hard to make believe i am not, to present myself as an interesting person, as somewhat unusual person, and as artsy as i can pull off, but i know the real me. and believe me, there is nothing interesting in there. i practice smocking alone so i seem more experienced doing that in public. i steal money from my family’s wallets so i can have some cash when i go out with friends. that’s just pathetic. i think all these crazy thoughts but if you get to the bottom of them, they are so disgusting, they make me sick. my great grandma’s funeral was today, my father and my uncle showed up at the cemetery, and now my grandma and the rest of the family are gossiping about them since they have not seen them for a while. of course i made a scene. of course i freaked out on them. of course i told them how unforgivably fake they all are. of course i stormed out. i am better than them. i am better than them, sitting here, thinking how sad it is that the great grandma managed to die the day before the play i was really looking forward to seeing.
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4 comments:
People experience death differently, children especcially.
Very interesting post. And sad.
I don't remember much about Huma's death, except this long brown hallway somewhere, and her being gone suddenly. It remember being confused, but not sad although I saw that everyone else was. I kind of wish I had been sad.
just fyi - this is not about huma
No, I figured. But the great grandmother part got me thinking about huma, and how kids react to death and stuff. In a way, although I was only 2 or 3, I had a sort of self-centered perception of it all. Like, I was wrapped up in my own confusions...to wrapped up to be geniunley sad. And I feel like that is kind of what this post is about. Wanting to be one thing, or to feel one thing, but feeling and being another.
or thinking of being;)
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